La petite chanteuse

Blessings all around

I’m feeling incredibly blessed and lucky tonight. I’m looking at New York City in a very calm and satisfying way…first time in a while.

You forget your blessings in life until you reach a point of ultimate vulnerability. Then, you wonder how you ever doubted your fortunes.

I only made a few statements on how down and depressed I felt. Then, an outpouring of support happened that overwhelmed me. Friends offering love, free drinks, an afternoon at the movies. Any friends who were long distance sent messages of sympathy and kind thoughts.

I’m pretty private about the details, but C is gone. It didn’t work out, and I can’t help but feel pretty sorry for myself right now. I did everything I could, but in the end, it wasn’t enough. I spent over 3 1/2 years hoping for the best, so you can understand why this has hit me so hard.

I’ve never been in a position where I’ve had to completely start over with my love life, with no new prospect whatsoever. It’s completely terrifying, but it’s staring me in the face, so I have to deal with it. Also, things have been crazy with the job, and I’ve been stressed in New York. It’s hard not to question what I’m doing right now.

At least now, I can take a look in my life, and realize that I’ve done something right after all. One thing that C told me,before we parted, was that it’s detrimental to always expect something from your efforts. In my case, it’s very true…almost a form of self-destruction. Yeah, I may not know what I want to do for the rest of my life. Yeah, I may never know if I get everything that I hoped for. But, you know what? I will never settle.