6 month mark
A new colleague of mine just told me that sometimes the most destitute of times can prove to be the most fruitful. I know that she’s right, I just have to reach that positive moment in order to come to terms with it.
My time in New York continues to challenge me in ways that I never thought possible. I got to spent a lot of time at home over the holidays, which was a blessing, but a burden at the same time. I wasn’t in the mindset where New York felt like my home. I was struggling with interacting with the people who all knew who I was and in the state where I had spent most of my life. My life was feeling really stagnant in the city, and it felt natural to run back home in the arms of those who could comfort me. However, I knew that this wasn’t possible. There was nothing left for me to pursue and make my own in Indianapolis. I moved to New York for a reason, and I needed to find out what it was.
I came back to New York with a heavy heart but a new year ahead of me. Then, the first week that I was back in the working world, I lost my job. In the first three weeks that I returned to New York, I was not only got let go from my job, but I lost my wallet and my iphone was stolen. I became broken in every way possible.
Fortunately, I was able to find another job a few days before I was suppose to end my other position. Because this job is technically a temp to perm position, I won’t mention much until it’s set in stone. However, it’s a great opportunity, and I’m thankful for it. The people are wonderful to work with. I enjoy finally having a position where I’m contributing to something really important. The experience I’ll gain will open up a lot of opportunities in the future.
There are still days that I struggle with my purpose here. Some days, I feel excited and know this is where I’m suppose to be. Then, there are days when I feel very lonely, and I worry about life passing me by while I try to figure out “what I want.”
Jumping from job to job is not what I want. Struggling to make ends meet is not what I want. I know that I want music in my life, but I don’t know what direction to take. And, I don’t want to keep continuing to fight this alone either. I have to believe that everything will fall into place if I keep pushing forward. As scary as the unknown continues to feel…I have to come to terms with it.
Will I be in New York forever? I’m not sure. But, I’m here now, and I need to take every opportunity and make the most of it. There are things I that absolutely love about New York and there are things that I absolutely miss about the Midwest. My time here will help direct me to where I truly need to be.
button
