Things an alcoholic says:
“I am on a drug. It’s called ‘Charlie Sheen.’ It’s not available because if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off, and your children will weep over your exploded body.”
“I’m so tired of pretending like my life isn’t perfect and bitchin’ and just winning every second.”
“I don’t have a tuxedo that fits anymore because my chest and my biceps are too big.”
“I have defeated this earthworm with my words – imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.”
“I’m not Thomas Jefferson. He was a pussy!”
I’m not bi-polar, “I’m bi-winning. I win here and I win there.”
“I’m proud of what I created. Why wouldn’t I be? I exposed people to magic. I exposed them to something that they otherwise would not see in their boring normal lives. And I gave that to them!”
“AA was written for normal people. People that don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA,” “[I survived drug addiction] because I’m me. I’m different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man.”
“I tried marriage. I’m 0 for 3 with the marriage thing. So, being a ballplayer — I believe in numbers. I’m not going 0 for 4. I’m not wearing a golden sombrero.”
Wow…how does one even respond to this? As we all find these quotes to be insanely funny, it’s a bit disturbing how much exposure situations like this get in the media. We all get a front row seat for the mental breakdown of a very troubled and sick man. This will be hilarious until something tragic happens.
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